Saturday, September 28, 2013

so, i'm 40 now, and my son is 18

there is really too much to say, and i haven't had the energy or desire to put words in this blog. but since my family just experienced two monumental birthdays, i feel compelled to write something.

on the 12th, Jonah turned 18. his dad and i are amazed that he is now a "man" and a wonderful man at that.

to commemorate his 18th year, i put together a scrapbook of photos from his life, as well as letters from us, his grandmothers, aunts and uncles, and family friends. this will not be a scrapbook left on the coffee table for anyone to see, but his personal book to hopefully give him encouragement now, and in future as well.

the idea for the scrapbook came about from some old advice a christian counselor once gave, explaining how other cultures have a "rite of passage" when a child in their family or community becomes an adult.

in the culture Jeremy and i were brought up in, this doesn't seem to be the case. maybe high school graduation does it for some. i didn't have a graduation. i dropped out because of chronic migraines and i actually got my GED before my class graduated. but i never got to throw a square hat up in the air.

from the pictures i've seen of Jeremy's graduation, he wasn't fully present. he's wearing a sly, relaxed smile, and his eyes are small and puffed up. emphasis on puffed.

when we married, Jeremy was one year older than Jonah is now. i know. holy crap, right? we've advised Jonah against going down the same path, unless it is God's will. it was God's will for us, we just didn't know a whole lot about God or what his will actually looks like. we honestly believed we'd be alternative, christian musicians. we wrote songs, we were pretty, and God was going to make us very popular and prosperous as we spread the gospel through our cool, christian songs. oh. boy. how stupid.

thank God Jonah is far wiser and realistic than we were. he doesn't have super, big, crazy expectations about his future. he lives very much in the moment, and his faith in God is strong and steady. he can even verbally express his feeling and thoughts coherently, and get to the bottom of what is going on inside him. Jeremy and i just began learning this technique five or so years ago. no, i'm serious.

i know i cannot control what God brings into Jonah's future life, but i pray pray pray that he has a better, less pain-and-suffering life than we have had. there are lots of christians out there who have it pretty good, and if it is God's will that Jonah be one of them, i'll be very happy. i don't need another reason to be angry and doubt God and his love. seriously. i'm working deeply with my christian counselor on such matters, and it is good, but, as always, scary as hell. scary as hell to trust God? yes.
but i'm not going to go on about that. not now.

i will, however, tell you that on the 15th i turned 40, had a Doctor Who costume party, because that's what i do (i'm really a 10 year old at heart, in case you didn't know) and i was incredibly blessed by my friends and family who attended. even Jeremy's mom was in town to celebrate with us! Jeremy baked Jonah and i cakes, mine was a TARDIS blue, gluten free, vegan cake (soooo yummy) and Jonah's a yellow cake with chocolate fudge icing. then, a few days later, my dear, dear bible study friends threw me a surprise birthday dinner: vegan sushi!!! heck, yes!

so in the end, our birthdays were filled with love, fun and blessings, and i am so grateful to God, and our family and friends who celebrated with us! THANK YOU!!! it means more than you know.