it can hurt to write. like retching. and i have been before a blank blog page many times only to write a few words and close the page. there is too much in my head and heart, you see, and this page is too small and i am too weak to try and expel it all and go through the process of writing about a particular subject or prove a point. this sounds negative, but it's not. it is just that, at this point, i would rather not share the things in me with anyone besides my husband and my friends.
i do like the freedom of not having to please that part of my ego that once desperately sought attention and approval and identity in writing, especially in poetry...and i have said all of this before. however, i have felt something of a return to poetry, or rather a new birthing of a new kind of poetry. but one way or another, if it happens or does not, i am good.
good --yes! that is what i am truly here to report! i have been feeling well, physically, mentally, spiritually --and it's been a long-time coming! for almost all of last year and bleeding into the first few months of 2011, i was not well. in one way or another my body was in pain: sinus headaches, dizziness, i became allergic to my birth control and tried many others only to have adverse reactions to them, my scoliosis, my lower back, swelling joints, limbs falling asleep, my ears, allergies, fatigue...and so many other things. i lived in my bed and recliner and put on pounds in the process. i had some good days, thankfully, but the various, nearly constant pain wore on my heart and mind, and my hope was very low.
then, with much prayer from my husband and close friends, God answered, and the last visit to my doctor made a tremendous difference. other blessings have come as well: there is more love and peace in my home than ever before, and i am grateful to God for doing this --it was a long road, mind you, but it was a road that He lead us down by the direction of His Spirit, and with support from the body of believers He joined us to, wonderful men that spoke into Jeremy's life, and an incredible, God-loving marriage counselor, God has mended us, given us wisdom and understanding, and made us whole.
our son has responded to the changes God has made in us too, and he has expressed, on more than one occasion, how much happier he is now that our lives are stable.
i do not know how long this time of blessings will last. i am aware that there are seasons in this life, but while we are here i intend to enjoy it fully, and grow in hope and love.
there now, that was not painful to write about, and i may even do it again sometime!
please note: any attempt to post comments/responses in way of unsolicited advice, analysis, words-of-wisdom, and/or correction on this blog, on Facebook, or via e-mail are not welcome and will be deleted before read. only positive comments, such as, "thanks for sharing" or "i can relate" are welcome, as well as the ever-so-confirming "like" button on FB. thank you for being gracious. ~Heather