for nearly 3 weeks now, i have not had more than a 24 hour break from my PGAD. today and tonight i have been battling against thoughts of hopelessness and despair, and i have been praying. a lot.
i know that it is God who gets me through. no doubt. and He has done some major things in my life over the past few months.
for one, i quit smoking, something i never imagined doing, but i experienced a horrendous sinus headache (no infection according to the doctor) that was so bad that the thought of smoking another cigarette ever again made me sick, so i just stopped. it was far easier than i thought it would be, so i know it was through His strength in me that i was able to quit. (on a side note here: My headache was so severe my sweet son had to drive me to the doctors. he's just an amazing young man that i adore and love with all my heart.)
i also stopped drinking Coca-cola, which i was just as addicted to as smoking. i quit diet soda too. now i have about one or two cups of chai tea a day with stevia and almond milk.
almond milk? yes, because i also quit dairy.
i eat fruits and vegetables on a daily basis now too, instead of all that refined crap i was eating.
then, about a week ago, i quit wheat and gluten.
i also starting seeing a female christian counselor that i really, really like. she is the one who suggested i may want to stop eating gluten because studies have been found that gluten effects the peripheral nerves (nerves outside of the spinal cord). i researched it, and she's right.
i'd like to say i am feeling a huge difference in my health, but the only thing i have noticed is that since i quit smoking, my sinus headaches have reduced by about 85%. crazy. i am so thankful.
so no smoking, no soda, eating healthy, no dairy, no gluten and seeing a counselor are all huge, small miracles that God has lead me to do, as well as giving me the strength to make the changes with ease.
exercise is the next step, which i am praying He will help me to do.
still, i linger beneath this dark shadow of unpredictable, and chronic PGAD.
i will soon be seeing Dr Redmond so he can test my O.I. muscle (in my pelvis) to see if it has unrelenting tightness. if it does, we are going to try botox injections, which i pray will work.
the heaviness of this burden is so difficult to bear, and i am praying He will use Dr Redmond to bring me some relief.
i am currently reading a book that a friend of mine gave me, and i think it is the best book on suffering and our relationship with God that i have ever come across. mind you, i have moments when i struggle with what the author is saying, although i know it to be true, and as i press on through the book, it has proven very encouraging.
the book is Being Well When We're Ill: Wholeness and Hope in Spite of Infirmity by Marva Dawn, a christian teacher and author who is completely blind in one eye, with partial vision in the other, and she only has use of one leg. she wrote this book from her own struggles, and truly knows what it is like to be a child of God who suffers and the mental/emotional/spiritual battles we face. i highly recommend it for those who suffer, but also for those who have a suffering family member or friend, in order to better comprehend what chronic suffering is like for an afflicted child of God.