i know, i know, you hear it often from other believers, "It's amazing, but God always seems to meet me right where I'm at", whether it be a teaching, a devotional, or in my case, the current book i am reading, "How to be Well when You're Ill" by Marva Dawn.
whatever issue i seem to be struggling with, 9 times out of 10 the chapter i open and read is concerning that issue. i can't believe this is coincidence.
today my issue was about feeling useless...feeling useless because of how my infirmities make every day things difficult or impossible to do. there are several things which are hard for me to do, one is to make plans, such as to have coffee or dinner with friends. so today's chapter was on this subject, and very encouraging.
i don't take things for granted as much anymore. for instance, i was very blessed (though also very scared) when my wonderful friend Emily wanted me to throw a birthday dinner party for me last friday. although the week had been hellish, God had grace upon me, and i felt well enough to have dinner with my friends, and it was a huge blessing to me. i was also able to have dinner a couple of nights later with my husband and son, and such moments are so precious to me. oh yeah, i'm 39 now by-the-way. i'm not sure how that happened, but it did.
there are a few other things i in my life that i like to do that are also difficult. like standing or walking for long periods of time, and by long, i mean about 20 minutes. my back simply cannot support my frame well enough, and pain and fatigue sets in. i also really enjoy creating art, and like most women, i feel better when my house is relatively clean and organized. my back limits these activities as well. so i've had to learn not put pressure on myself, and do things when i am able. Jeremy and Jonah help a lot with the house, thankfully, and i create art (collages, necklaces, etc.) when i am up to it, which is a nice outlet and distraction for me.
i have been blessed that a woman found a cross collage i made and have for sale in my Etsy store, and has commissioned me to make 6 of them! it's taking me some time to make them, but they should be done by sunday. i am quite aware that this is a blessing from God. He is using me to bless others with my creations, and that means so much to me.
my prayer is that i will become well enough to do more for Him, but even if i do not, that i will find my contentment in Him, like the poet Milton did, when he went blind, followed by the death of his wife and not long after, his beloved son. considering his blindness, grief and inability to serve God with "day-labour" as he longed to, he wrote this poem:
Sonnet XIX: When I Consider How my Light is Spent
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodg'd with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o'er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.
indeed, "They also serve who only stand and wait" are comforting words to me.